i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want to make out with him forever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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