Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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