bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
