I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
