Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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