Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize