dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
