I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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