Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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