I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
