can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize