I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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