I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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