this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
honey bunches of taint.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
