Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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