and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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