i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My balls are so social today.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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