capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I deserve this hangover.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
