so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
