We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
