don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
