I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
