I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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