tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
