he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
