Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize