Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
