Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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