who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
