I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
