If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize