You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
