What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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