i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
