So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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