over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
