honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think my tv is drunk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize