Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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