dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Say something about gay babies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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