is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
