I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
