She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize