There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
