I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
