Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
