I'm pants shitting drunk right now
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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