There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize