She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
