Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize