This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
where are you?
Hypothermia
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
