I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
