dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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