i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
