forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
