Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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