The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
