I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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