Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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