i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
