The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
