How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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