i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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