Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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