How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
