I wish my penis had an off switch
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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