i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She announced her abortion via fbk
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd itβs still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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