hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
