So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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